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The New Priest
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Topic Started: Thu 10 Jul 2008 00:25:06 (49 Views)
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ldl67
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Thu 10 Jul 2008 00:25:06
Post #1
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I am better than you.
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note
on his door:
1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and Spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub, yeah God"
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
15) Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples J.C. and the boys.
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Look, it's....
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ryan
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Thu 10 Jul 2008 08:36:51
Post #2
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i r red
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lol ive heard that one before
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(")(")
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Thomas
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Thu 10 Jul 2008 17:27:30
Post #3
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Mongoose
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yeah i had that in a chain e-mail a while back
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Damian
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Thu 10 Jul 2008 18:32:45
Post #4
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mastermazaki / HaX3
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LMAO I love it when religon is taken the piss out of, its so brill!
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Clever quotes to live by: Updated every week.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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ldl67
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Thu 10 Jul 2008 18:41:02
Post #5
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I am better than you.
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- casualty01
- Thu 10 Jul 2008 08:36:51
lol ive heard that one before
 I fail then... 
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Look, it's....
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12:06 PM Jan 7